Friday, 25 June 2010

Big Brother divides the nation, into “Those that don’t watch it” and “Those that see it accidentally”

2010 is a year of televisual ends, Lost floated up into telly heaven to sit at the same table as Ashes to Ashes and discuss how similar their conclusions were. 24’s Jack Bauer can finally put his feet up after what amounts to the worst week and a day of anyone’s life! (Ok in terms of the series it’s actually eight days over the course of about 15 - 20 years by my maths, so let’s say Jack was mid to late 30’s in season one...) and Friends will finally disappear off of our screens by the end of the year, leaving a massive gap in Channel 4 and E4’s scheduling (get ready for even more repeats of Come Dine With Me).

Also included in this TV cull is the programme that for the last eleven years has divided the nation, into “Those that don’t watch it” and “Those that see it accidentally”. Big Brother closes it’s doors this year and promises to go out with a bang, sounds to me like they’ve been receiving my letters suggesting they end the series by making the final task disarming a nuclear warhead while wearing It’s A Knockout style chicken suits. So far they have failed to deliver, this year’s collection of the desperate and misguided seem comparatively normal compared to the (borderline dangerous) nutcases they’ve had in previous years, and what’s worse a distinct lack of cynically placed eye candy, although there are promises that they put some wannabe model in the house in the coming weeks. This year’s collection seem to be Channel 4 trying to claw back the halcyon days of Big Brother, where (for the first two series) it was putting 12 or so random people together and seeing how they get on, in later years it degenerated into an almost literal series of “Britain’s Got Serious and Worrying Mental Difficulties”. Over the eleven years that Big Brother has been an inescapable fixture in our summertime viewing, we’ve seen race rows, pregnancy scares, cheating abound, suicide threats, and someone shoving a wine bottle up cooler...and this year seems that it will disappoint on that front, already three weeks in and there’s been hardly anything that’s happened that could redeem Big Brother and stop it from being remembered as “that show that was good for the first couple of years then became a haven for mad people”. That said, as I stated before, collectively this years housemates are actually pretty boring people, in the “Big Brother” sense, that also means it is the first series in a few years that I’ve actually kind of enjoyed watching.

That’s not to say though that each housemate is dull, they all have things to be said about them individually and that’s what I’m going to do now.


There have been a few housemates over the years who have been described as posh, Derek from a few years ago springs to mind, but this guy takes the biscuit, not only does he look like someone’s held Prince William too close to a three bar fire for too long, but his personal insecurities and posh boy flapping about when he realises he’s just said something dickish irritate the hell out of me, the boy was born with a silver foot in his mouth it would seem.


In three weeks as a housemate, she appears to have been nothing but eye candy for the lesbian population of the house, only seen when other people are bitching or moaning about other people. Although when she does speak, she comes across as a fair minded, level headed person. Needs to do more though...shag someone? Anything!


What can I say, local girl, (in fact she used to live on the same estate I now live on), seems to be the peace maker in the house, whenever a discussion seems to be getting out of hand, she’s there to calm down anyone who may be getting too sucked into it. The only thing really that seems to let the girl down is her mouth, and her brain, and the apparent lack of connection between the two (Only tonight was she bragging about having learnt new words, only to go on to mispronounce the relatively easy word...twice). In summary, lovely girl, but I won’t be asking her help me with tax returns anytime soon...


I can be quite a hard liner at times, and have many extreme views on beliefs, but I am always willing to listen and accept other people’s views, this is why Dave annoys me a little bit, he smacks of the kind of person who says, “I’m not trying to convert you here”, then proceeds to crack you repeatedly across the head with a Gideon’s for forty minutes. Still not as bad as Stephen Baldwin was in this year’s Celebrity Big Brother, though. That said, he does come across as a nice genuine guy, but needs to learn the meaning of the phrase “Shut up!”

Govan (evicted Week Three)

Every year has had a shit stirrer, and this year Govan stepped up to the mark with aplomb, and normally, it’s a good thing, but this little guy stirred shit so much, that I was pretty certain he may have been gossiping about himself at times, without knowing! “You know that Govan, right, well he’s been talking about people behind their backs!” “Govan, that’s you...” “Oh...err...well, you know that...Lucy...” “Lucy who?”.


Only seen this girl in the same situations as Caoimhe, when other people are moaning about others, seems nice enough, might need to grow up a little though, she seems a little immature.

John James

I’ve only ever met one or two Australians, and they struck me as being nice relaxed, fun loving people...John James is an absolute wanker! How grumpy is this guy? He moans about everything, winds people up, but in a way that seems only to amuse himself (NB to those who know me! I am fully aware of how much he’s sounding like me right now...), and seems totally obsessed with himself.


I like a woman with an accent, and although Geordie is my fave on a girl, the Bristolian accent comes a close second. Josie kind of spoils that for me a little. Don’t get me wrong, she seems like an honest, genuine, funny, smart girl, but the kind of girl who if she punched you in the arm during a bit of playful banter, would knock your shoulder clean out of it’s socket and into your pint glass. Still would though...I have been single for 6 months...


There are two Marios in the house, not in a horrible two faced way, but when Mario is around Ben he becomes a sickly puppy dog who’d give you diabetes through merely accidentally flicking channels while Big Brother is on. The rest of the time, he’s a smart, thoughtful, kind, sweet lad. Although prone to the odd irritating campy moment.


Nearly 40 minutes of tonight’s show went by before I even saw this guy on screen. Where is he hiding. When he does appear, he’s the typical loves himself a little too much, shirt comes off too easy, thinks far too highly of himself, kinda bloke. Then again, everyone knows someone like that, and if you don’t then...that person is you.

Rachael (Evicted Week Two)

I’ll admit I already don’t remember much about her. I do remember not liking her on launch night though...why? For the life of me I don’t know. She was good looking though, I think she knew it a little too well...ah that might have been it then.


I weirdly kind of fancy Shabby, there’s just something about her, don’t quite know what it is. But enough of that, she comes across as the vocal centre of the house. I’m pretty sure a lot of my friends are a bit like her, or at least I’ve met people like her.


Steve is the bloke who’s always in your local and will always sit and have a chat with you. Funny, straight forward, not a bad word to say about him.


Honestly, I really, really, really don’t like this girl, to the point that I voted TWICE to evict her! I haven’t voted on ANY reality show since BB2! Her whinging, her singing, her crying, her general existence has me reaching for the remote consistently! Then Shabby or Corin appear on screen and I’m happy again.

So there you have it, this years, and indeed the final cast of fame hungry hopefuls, and for a change I don’t want to kill any of them...just hurt a couple, a little...

I will write more about Big Brother as the series progresses, fingers crossed for the nuke task though!