Tuesday, 24 August 2010

This final series of Big Brother has been a tragic glimpse into what the show should have been for about the last 7 or so years.

So it’s here, all good things must come to end, but also so must Big Brother, it really hasn’t been the same since series one or two, when the housemates were decidedly “ordinary” people, locked in a mad situation, let’s face it, previous years have been a cavalcade of fame hungry, dregs of society that you would normally cross the street or go find another pub, to avoid, and here we are at the end of it all, with the steadily increasing level of mental illness in the Big Brother house, what could we expect this year? A man who believes his hand is his best friend? Twin snakes with electronic voice boxes? Louie Spence? No...oh wait...he did flounce in at some point...but I think I slipped into a hatred induced coma for that...

This year’s collection have actually been, on the whole, relatively normal, bar a few fame hungry narcissists and one (borderline) sociopath, the housemates have been the first for years that I’ve actually liked, although those of you who know my writing style, know that I don’t really write about things I like so I’ll get them out of the way now:

Shabby, oh my darling Shabz, bit off more than she could chew with applying for this eh? I always got the impression that Shabby was actually a gestalt entity made up of features from a wide array of my friends, and she was curiously hot to boot. Steve was a good all rounder (no pun intended), although a little lazy, but can we begrudge a man who has literally given limbs for our country a bit of sit down time? Andrew has really grown on me, I know some of you think I should have had some sort of affinity or sympathy with him, but even he was too much of a geek! The kind of geek that the geeks bully, a tragic, dead loss to humanity, however, over the last few weeks in the house, it has been heartwarming and indeed great to see that he has grown and whether or not this carries on beyond the Big Brother house, he has genuinely come out of this whole experience a better and bigger man. Josie has been entertaining and watchable throughout, without feeling the need to play up to the camera, she’s genuine, funny and wonderfully nice. Despite what people said and thought about her, I actually really liked Rachel (two), she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind and always seemed in a good mood. Corin is a local lass to me, so I can’t and won’t say a bad word about her, other than, knowing which school she went to I’m happy I went to the rival one. Dave annoyed me at first, his incessant God bothering was a really a bugbear, but after a while, and strangely just as a I was starting to realise I know people who do that myself, he began to tone it down and out came this fun, witty, nice man, who just happens to subscribe to a religion, (that said his, arrogant rejection of the theory of evolution really pissed me off last night!), as stands Dave is my personal choice to win this year.

I am a man of extremes in my views and opinions, and they often bend towards the hate filled or misanthropic, so this section should be a joy to write, however, there have been very few people this year who I can seriously say I’ve hated, (with the VERY massive exception of one, but more on him in a bit), however some of the housemates have annoyed me a lot, Ben for a start, what a lazy, ignorant, poshboy halfwit! I struggled to believe he was a TV presenter before going into the house, every sentence he spoke rolled out of his mouth, galvanised with the metal from the silver spoon that he forced into his own mouth at birth. John James, while he occasionally seemed like a like a decent “cobba” was too self centred and arrogant to be even slightly likable most of the time, that said though, I’m sure if we were ever to share a “tinny” that I might start liking him, if we don’t kill each other first in a battle for the “most unreasonably opinionated person in the world” crown...place your bets now! I started off liking Mario, his almost lecherous attempts to seduce Ben, his willingness to take part in tasks and not worry about looking a benny for a few days wearing a silly mole costume. But that slowly turned into this horrible, whinging, selfish, attention seeking buffoon, especially when it looked like he might be in the final, I seriously hope he is the first out tonight...just to see his face.

Of course, it wouldn’t be fair to you if I didn’t write about the one person on telly in the last few years that has made me throw more insults (and the occasional empty Morrisons Value Lager can, 92p for four cans!) at the screen than ever before. Sam Pepper, I actually got a little annoyed when during one eviction when Davina referred to Sam as “Sergeant Pepper”, in a “HOW DARE YOU ASSOCIATE THAT CUNT WITH THE BEATLES’ MASTERWORK!” way, pathetic I know, but that’s how much I hated him! Everything about him seemed genetically engineered to wind me the fuck up! His wardrobe looked like he’d dropped all his normal clothes in a blender and asked a blind, numb, old woman to sew them back up. His voice must have been deliberately higher in the editor’s sound mix to further enhance his annoying drawl (“JAOWSSY? JAOWSSY? WHY YOU SO FAT JAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOWSSY?”), and his antics in the house, winding people up, hiding people’s belongings etc, were not as he thought, entertaining for the viewer, they were evidence that he’s a sociopath! Even in his “vulnerable” moments he came across as more of an attention seeker than Mario! I wonder if he’s ever been diagnosed with ADHD, at least then, I’d be able to hate him a little less.

Another housemate I really didn’t like was Rachael (one), self centred and self obsessed, one of the very few things I agreed with John James about, that said, I do have the poster from her Nuts shoot on my wall...double standards anyone? Don’t mind if I do...

The other housemates provided nothing but platforms for the main players to jump from, JJ (who is also in the final, you know, the one who isn’t Josie, Mario, Dave or Andrew...yeah him.) is as forgettable as...a..., Caimohe I’m sure will pop up on celebrity Weakest Link at some point, Ife’s disappeared for good, Nathan, please actually hit John James, please! Keeley will make a good TV presenter I’m sure. Laura, Laura who? Anyone I’ve forgotten? Oh well, they clearly didn’t make enough impact in my mind...

The series as a whole has been actually quite watchable, proven by the fact that I actually watched it...what a silly thing to say...some of the tasks were hilarious (Everyone being Ben for the day, The Dickens Week, Predictions Week, etc) and some of the twists thrown in were fun, but overall it has been the housemates who have made this final series of Big Brother a tragic glimpse into what the show should have been for about the last 7 or so years. Like a great orator delivering a powerful and moving speech seconds before being executed for being nothing but an offensive tirade of hatred and “ism”’s. I am kind of sad to see it go.

As for who’s going to win tonight, I really want the final to go:
1. Dave
2. Josie
3. Andrew
4. JJ
5. Mario

However, I really think it’s going to go:

1. Josie
2. JJ
3. Andrew
4. Mario
5. Dave

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